There’s simple. There’s dumb. And then there’s Golem. Nobody’s quite sure where he picked up his nickname, but it’s easy to remember and spelled like it sounds, so it suits the big guy just fine. Even before the powers, Golem was the group’s strongman, which makes it appropriate that he became the Strongest Man Alive. Smarts are no substitute for brute, dumb force.
Zeke is the man with the plan. Theoretically. He’s still waiting for one of his schemes to pay off, but when it does, the haters are going to eat their words. But, thankfully, Zeke has the undying, endless support of the most important person in his life—himself. Now, with the power of teleportation, Zeke finally has the power to put his plans into action, which suits the rest of the gang just fine. The beauty of teleportation is that you spend half your time somewhere else.
Morris knows every rule of the game you just started playing, but don’t worry. He’ll let you know every time you mess up. As the brains of the gang, Morris long ago decided to coast through life on his incredible attention. Why does he still work at a movie store? Because what could he possibly learn at a university that he can’t get for free in the library? (Not that he goes to the library.) Perhaps this is why his already awesome intellect was given a power charge, making Morris quite literally the Smartest Man in the World.
Beverly is the worst. And if he ever finds out that he’s not the worst, give him time. He’ll find a way. Beverly streams his life to a legion of viewers, most of whom can’t stand him or anything he stands for, much of which is horrifying. Anyone who critiques him must be punished. Mean comments are an act of war. Beverly is the worst. In retrospect, he’s maybe a bad fit for devastating laser eyes.
It takes a special person to wrangle the egos of the Dice Lords into one powerful team. Is Simon the one to do it? Well, he did manage to keep their roleplaying group together. And he did keep Morris and Zeke on the same team. But, then again, who else are they going to play with? “Able to Put Up With Idiots” isn’t much of a superpower, but since the “incident” appears to have passed him by, it’ll have to do.